


Baby Loser Babysitting with Mike Hanlon

by deadlydecember1214



Series: The Losers Of ‘89 Were Here [9]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King, KING Stephen - Works
Genre: Babies, Babysitting, F/M, Future Fic, M/M, Poor Mike, Salt-n-Pepa, They are too perf, Toddlers, adult fic, adventures in babysitting, and 2, and 2 months old, awww, baby losers, been a long night, next gen losers, omg i'm going to die these babies, poor mike was going to get laid, shoop, sorry but nope, the kids are 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 15:01:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12961953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlydecember1214/pseuds/deadlydecember1214
Summary: Mike Hanlon was having a pretty great evening with his hot librarian co-worker… Until his nieces and nephews get dumped on him about ten seconds into his date. (Adult Losers and Next Gen Babies!!)





	Baby Loser Babysitting with Mike Hanlon

**Author's Note:**

> Come on, ya’ll… Mike is a freaking amazing uncle, just try to fight me on this.

Carole Danners was definitely a very pretty girl, Mike had decided.

The smile on her bright red lips was always so suggestive. She was an eye catcher Derry Main Library standards. Her eyes were hazel and never the same exact color, greener than browner a moment later. She wasn’t a stick, either; no, she had curves… nice ones.

She was a graduate student, only home for a spring internship. Maybe even a few years younger than Mike but nothing to sweat over. He could still legally buy her a drink and he was barely twenty-eight himself. 

Besides, Carole had been hinting to him for weeks now that she might be interested in a little fun, too.

So, Mike did what any straight man having a little bit of a dry spell would and asked her over to his place.

His grandfather had died a few years back and left him all the property of the Hanlon farm. Mike didn’t have the time or money anymore to keep the place operational but at least he had a big ass yard and matching farmhouse. 

Carole slipped off her cardigan once she was through the screen door, revealing velvety shoulders and a low neckline that Mike was not complaining about. She looked around, draping her sweater over the back of his couch. 

“I like it,” She grinned, turning to him, “Very… you.”

Mike laughed, quirking an eyebrow, “Thanks, I think? Can I get you a drink?”

“Oh, God, yes!” Carole exclaimed, moving to follow him to the kitchen. “What’s your poison then, Michael? Hmm?”

“Well—“ He started but stopped short, hearing the crunch of tires in his gravel driveway. 

“Uh, one second…” He pardoned himself and moved to look out the window. His heart sunk and he whirled back around to a confused Carole, “I’ll be right back, I swear.”

Before she could answer, Mike threw him out of the front door and down the front porch steps, “Oh, no! No! No! No! Not happening, Eddie!”

His best friend stepped out of his van, looking only slightly apologetic, “Yes, happening, Mike. You promised you’d watch the kids so we can get Bill and Stan out of the house for once. I swear they haven’t fucking left since they brought Georgie home…”

Mike narrowed his eyes, racking his brain… he’d promised?

Fuck! Yeah, yeah, he had, hadn’t he?

He groaned, “Eddie, come on! I have— plans!”

“I know,” Eddie gave him a look, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb, “Watching my kids and Georgie… andMollyandChrissy.”

“No, I have _real_ plans— Wait, what was that at the end?”

“Well…”

“Eddie!”

“Bev and Ben figured you wouldn’t mind since you’ll already have Cassie, Alex, Aaron, and Georgie!” The shorter boy defended, cringing a little hearing the terrible logic out loud. “They’re already on their way over and they have Georgie with them.”

“But—But—“ Mike sputtered, “Eddie, I have a woman over! A real woman, who looks like the sexy librarian from a Playboy! Do you know how long it’s been, man?”

Eddie snorted, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest, “You seriously do not want to pick that argument with me. I have three kids and I’ve been in the same relationship for eleven years now; I never have sex. In fact, I actually _enjoy_ knowing that you’re suffering with me.”

Mike stared at his best friend, mouth hanging open. After a moment, he sighed, “I’m not getting out of this, am I?”

Eddie cocked his head to the side and reached out to pat Mike on the arms, “Cheer up, Mikey. The kids all love you and it’ll only be a few hours.”

“I should go tell Carole—“

Mike was cut off by the sound of Eddie’s van’s sliding door being slammed open. Cassie Tozier, who was now basically a professional at getting out of her own car seat, jumped out with a loud shriek of excitement, “Uncle Mikey!”

She threw her arms around his legs, curly brown ponytail swinging down her back. She grinned up at him with pure joy and Mike felt guilty for trying to get out of his promise to watch her and the other Baby Losers. 

“Dada said your gunna watch us!” She hopped up and down, giggling. “Are you? Are you?”

“‘Going to’, Cas, not ‘gunna’. Only Papa says that.” Eddie corrected before looking at Mike questioningly.

The man sighed and reached down, swinging the little girl up into his arms. “Well, how could I say no to my favorite niece named ‘Cassidy’?”

She laughed, covering her mouth as if she had a secret. Over her shoulder, her father mouthed _Thank you_ to his best friend and Mike shrugged in return.

Eddie was right; the kids loved him and it was only a few hours.

Mike carried Cassie into the house, followed by Eddie who had Aaron on one hip and Alex’s hand gripped with in his other free one. Apparently, Alex threw a fit anytime someone tried to hold him; he stubbornly liked to get places on his own since he’d learned to walk. 

The boys were nearly three now, Cassie six-years-old herself… kids grew up too damn fast.

Carole was in the living room and turned around upon hearing the door swing back open. That suggestive smile she always wore slipped away as she took in the four new people in the house. “Oh, hello.”

“Hi!” Cassie waved excitedly and Eddie watched her with an amused smile from behind. Slipping his gaze past his daughter, he nodded to Carole in greeting. 

“You must be the ‘real woman’ Mike said he had over. I’m Eddie, the best friend, and these guys,” He looked over his children, “Are the reason Mike’s gotta cancel on you. All my fault, really. He had no idea.”

Mike shot his friend a thankful look for taking the blame for his own forgetfulness. Eddie shrugged, _Yeah, sure, whatever._

“Oh, you watch your friend’s kids? That’s so sweet!” Carole clapped, “I understand completely! But, uh, I’m free tomorrow, too… so, call me?”

“Yes!” Mike asked, a bit too quickly.

Eddie waited until Bev and Ben showed up with their daughters, Molly and Chrissy, and the newest addition to the Baby Losers Club, Bill and Stan’s son, Georgie. The infant was nearly two months old and this would be his first outing away from his parents. 

Mike was thankful he’d gotten to skip the first official handoff this time, remembering the crying and screaming of dragging Eddie from Cassie the first time and Ben from Molly. Richie and Bev hadn’t been as bad as their spouses but he’d still had to practically wrestle the diaper bags from them. It was nice to not have to repeat history with Bill and Stan, too.

“Molly, be good and help Uncle Mike keep an eye on your sister, okay?” Ben instructed, crouched down to his eldest daughter’s height. 

She eyed him with narrowed eyes, “But Chrissy’s annoying.”

“Sweetie, you shouldn’t—“

“Molly Arlene Hanscom, I hear you say that one more time, you’ll find out just how annoying _I_ can be. You understand me?” Beverly broke in, looking down at her child.

Molly’s shoulders slumped and sighed, dramatically, “I understand!”

After all their parents had kissed them goodbye, the kids were left solely to Mike. Within moments he’d lost track of the Three Musketeers of the Terrible Twos and was surrounded by two six-year-olds as he tried to keep baby Georgie asleep in his car carrier.

“Molly, Cassie, where are Chrissy, Alex, and Aaron?” Mike asked, peering around only a bit panicked.

The girls shrugged in sync, reminding him somewhat of the twins from the Shining. Glancing at each other, they grinned mischievously. Molly looked back at him, rest her elbow on the counter and her chin on her palm. Damn, she looked like Ben… with Bev’s freckles and little nose.

“Uncle Mikey, do you have a girlfriend?”

“What?” Mike asked, startled, “Uh, no, I don’t right now, Molls.”

“So, who was the pretty lady?” Cassie jumped in, quirking an eyebrow and positioning herself as a reflection of her best friend. 

He stopped, opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. “She’s my friend.”

“Cassie said she had big boobies,” Molly commented, casually.

The other girl nodded, “Yowza boobies.”

Mike sputtered, “Molly! Cassie!”

“What?” They exclaimed together before Cassie added in a mutter under her breath, “Well, she _did_.”

There was a crash from the other room followed by toddler giggles. All three jumped and even baby Georgie flinched in his sleep before stilling once again. 

Mike squeezed his eyes shut, “Fuck.”

Cassie and Molly gasped, making him open his eyes back up. 

“Bad word! Bad word! Bad word!” They chanted, pointing at him. 

“You’re gunna be in so much trouble!” Cassie sang.

“Lots of trouble!” Molly nodded, solemnly before turning to her friend. As Mike rushed from the room to find the source of the crash, he heard the girl whisper, “It’s ‘going to’, Cassie, not ‘gunna’.”

When he rounded the corner, he found the tower of books he’d left beside his already packed bookshelf was now scattered across the floor. Among the covers and pages, three toddlers, a carrot top and two curly masses of jet black hair, looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes.

“Oh, dammit!” Mike exclaimed, slamming a palm into his forehead.

“Danmit!” A tiny voice echoed him.

Mike’s stomach dropped and his arm fell back to his side, eyeing Aaron Tozier and hoping he hadn’t just heard what he had, “Aaron…”

“Danmit!” Alex yelled beside his twin brother. 

“No, boys! That’s—that’s a bad wor—“

“Danmit!” Now Chrissy joined in, a chorus of toddlers yelling swear words at him.

Molly and Cassie came into the room behind him, looking between their younger siblings and their horror-struck Uncle. 

Molly gave a long sigh and shook her head, “Kids these days.”

Mike looked down at her, bewildered, but the child just continued to shake her head at the babies in disapproval. Cassie followed her lead a beat later. Soon, however, she got distracted and tugged at Mike’s jeans.

He sighed, “What, Cassie?”

“Georgie pooped his diaper. He smells.”

The swearing toddlers would have to be a problem for later, Mike decided as he spun on his heel and returned to the car carrier that Georgie was still settled into. 

The baby boy had indeed woken up and was not looking particularly happy. He was squirming, getting more and more worked up by the second. Little whimpers of discomfort had already started up and there were crocodile tears welling in his eyes.

Acting fast, Mike unsnapped the little guy’s buckles and gingerly picked him up from the carrier. “Ah, don’t cry, buddy. I got you, nothing to worry about…”

Georgie looked up at him with those watery, unsure eyes and a quivering lip. 

As Mike went about changing his diaper, he kept up talking to the baby as it seemed to be keeping the crying at bay, “I know I’m not your daddies but we’ve met before, remember? I’m Uncle Mikey and I think I’m pretty cool.”

He’d just finished fastening Georgie’s fresh diaper when music began playing from the living room. It was loud enough for him to hear each word through the wall and he froze, Georgie contently sucking on his own fist on the changing cloth before him.

_Hey, yeah —_

_I wanna shoop, baby_

“Oh, this is not happening right now,” Mike muttered, lifting Georgie up and rushing to the living room. 

Cassie and Molly were now standing in front of the stereo, grinning at each other and nodding to ‘Shoop’ by Salt-N-Pepa. Chrissy, Alex, and Aaron were gone once again but he could faintly hear ‘danmit’ being called before down the hall. In his arms, Georgie began to scream directly into Mike’s ear at the loud music.

“Girls! No!” Mike cried, desperately. Eddie would fucking murder him if Cassie went home humming _that_ song. Cassie and Molly groaned and pouted as he passed in search of the other half of the Baby Losers.

…He probably shouldn’t call them that, he thought randomly. Instilling self-confidence and all that crap Eddie was always going on about.

He nearly tripped over the books that were still on the floor and only just managed to right himself and hold onto Georgie. The little guy was _not_ happy, his whole face now red from his screaming. “Sorry, sorry, sorry— I know it’s loud.”

Mike found Chrissy holding herself up using the doorframe of one of the spare bedrooms. She smiled up at him with a hole-y grin and waved, “Danmit!”

Groaning, Mike started toward her only for her to break into a peel of giggles and take off away from him. “Chris! Come on, baby girl, don’t run from Uncle Mikey!”

She ignored him, running at her tottering pace down the hall until she reached the last room and ducked inside. Mike pursued, grateful he was far enough down the hall now that Georgie wasn’t crying over noise anymore.

When he got to the room, he found Alex and Aaron sitting near the edge of the mattress, watching Chrissy attempt to crawl under the bed. Aaron giggled down at her while Alex observed with a serious, almost contemplative look on his baby features.

Both boys looked up when Mike came in. 

“Hi!” Aaron yelled, making Georgie startle in Mike’s arms.

“Shh, buddy. We don’t want to scared baby Georgie, right?” The man pressed his finger to his lips to gesture for quiet.

Aaron grew confused, turning his head to his twin for some explanation. All he got was Alex doing a mimicry of Mike’s finger-to-lips motion. Aaron reached out and shoved his brother, sending Alex tumbling to the floor. 

“Aaron! Why would you—“ Mike stopped in his scolding, watching as Alex righted himself without bursting into tears like Mike had expected. 

The little boy looked at his hands, which he’d used to stop his head from hitting the carpet, and then at his brother. A second later, he grabbed Aaron’s ankle and yanked him hard off the bed as well. 

The other boy toppled onto Chrissy, still trying to clamber under the bed, and caused the little girl to smack her head against the bed frame with a loud _thunk_. Mike cringed.

“Danmit!” She cried before she began to scream, falling back onto her butt to sob up at the ceiling. Aaron joined her as Alex stood to the side, watching them both before looking up at Mike and shrugging. If there wasn’t so much crying taking place, Mike would have probably laughed at the child’s unfazed reaction.

Instead, Mike quickly set Georgie on the bed a safe distance from the edge and went about checking Aaron and Chrissy over for injuries with ‘Shoop’ still faintly playing from the living room down the hall.

…One hell of a night, indeed.

Two hours later, Georgie was back asleep in his carrier. Alex and Aaron were on the couch, kicking each other’s tennis shoes back-and-forth playfully. Chrissy was dozing next to Aaron, curled into a ball with a band-aid on her pale forehead. She hadn’t been bleeding and it wasn’t even where she’d hit her head but it’d been the only way to get her to stop crying… so Mike had just gone along with it.

Finally, Cassie and Molly were now dancing on his coffee table, belting out ‘Shoop’ at the top of their lungs as Mike watched them with a look of resignation from the doorway. How the fuck had they memorized the words so quickly? That was the real question here, Mike thought.

_“Here I go, here I go, here I go again,”_ Cassie started up.

“ _Girls, what’s my weakness?_ ” Molly continued, instantly getting a reply from Cassie, “ _Men!_ ”

Across the room, the front door opened. 

Eddie, Richie, Bev, Ben, Bill, and Stan came in, chatting and chuckling amongst themselves only to fall silent at the display before them. Molly and Cassie seemed unperplexed by their new audience, continuing with their rapping without pause or hesitation.

Not even when Stan spoke up over the music, “Is… is this _‘Shoop’_?”

Mike sighed and shrugged in response, not really sure how the night had gotten to this point. “It’s just been that kind of night, Stanley.”

Eddie looked pale and like he might throw up as Cassie danced to the center of the table, belting out her next part with all the dramatics of a Broadway starlet, “ _Felt it in my hips so I dipped back to my bag of tricks,”_

Molly came in, shaking her shoulders and throwing her hair back over her shoulder with a giggle, “ _Then I flipped for a tip, make me wanna do tricks for him,_ ”

Ben choked and Bev grasped his arm, her cheeks going red as they listened.

“ _Lick him like a lollipop should be licked!”_ Cassie cried out and Richie burst into laughter.

He was instantly silenced by Eddie elbowing him aggressively in the ribs. He grimaced and gave his husband an apologetic look only to give his daughter a thumbs-up once Eddie’s back was turned again.

The music cut off and Bill stood by the stereo with an amused look on his face, “How was the babysitting, Mikey?”

“Well,” Mike started, feeling Eddie’s glare on him, “It was interesting, right guys?” He asked the kids before him. 

Cassie and Molly hopped off the table and moved to their parents. Eddie scooped Cassie up, almost protectively, looking seconds away from hyperventilating as he stroked her ponytail. 

Beverly took Molly’s hand as the girl nodded, “ _I_ had fun but Chrissy broke her head open.”

Bev and Ben looked at Mike so fast, he thought he heard their necks crack.

“Chrissy did not break her head open, Molly. She bumped it,” Mike corrected, “Just a little bit…” He trailed off, trying to predict his friend’s reactions. 

Ben went over to Chrissy on the couch and picked her up. She smiled at him sleepily before wrapping her arms around his neck and snuggling her face into his neck. He shrugged to his wife, “She seems fine.”

“And Georgie is asleep in the kitchen,” Mike pointed over his shoulder, “He doesn’t like loud music, apparently.”

Like magic, Bill and Stan were gone, practically shoving past him to get to their son. Ah, new parents…

Mike nodded and turned back to Eddie and Richie. Eddie had passed Cassie over and was on the boys now, combing his fingers through Alex’s messy black hair so that it stuck up funnily. The boy scrunched his nose at his father and pushed his hand away. Beside him, Aaron whined and reached his chubby fingers out, asking to be held. 

Eddie picked the toddler up and kissed his forehead before looking over him to Mike, “Well, at least you only corrupted one of my kids.”

“About that—“ Mike started only to be cut off by Alex.

“Danmit, Dada! Danmit! Danmit! Danmit!” The child shrieked through rare laughter, actually grinning for once in his life.

“Mike!” Eddie yelped, whirling on his best friend accusingly. 

“It’s been a long night, okay?” Mike cried in defense.

“Great, my daughter has her first stripping routine perfected and my son—“

“Danmit,” Aaron echoed.

“- _Sons_ learned their first swear word! Thank you so much, Michael!” Eddie snapped, growing red in the face and breathless.

Richie stepped forward, “Eds, it sounds like you’re shaming the profession of stripping and I think we should support Cassie Anne no matter what sh—“ Eddie turned his head to glare at Richie and the other man stopped dead, looked thoughtful for a moment, and then nodded. 

The man turned to Mike, “Yeah, I can’t help you out of this one, Micycle.”

Mike sighed and turned back to his best friend, “In my defense, I was forced into this. I had a date, remember?”

Beverly cringed, running her fingernails down Chrissy’s back and playing with Molly’s coffee brown locks, “I would not have taken that route.”

Eddie stared at Mike unflinchingly for a long moment before sighing and rolling his eyes, “Whatever. They’re alive, I guess. But next time, _no Salt-N-Pepa_ , Mike!”


End file.
